I don’t want to go back to the way I used to be, the unfeeling and silent sister. Something was a whole lot better than feeling nothing at all. I knew deep down that I kind of didn’t want it to go away because I wanted to feel something. So than why is it still around haunting me with every memory that I have of Antonio? I kind of wished that it would go away. I’ve tried everything to get rid of it but nothing works. It’s been a month and I still have this ache in my heart. Everything seems almost normal now, but I don’t understand how it could’ve gotten like this so quickly. The boys have also backed off with the inane flirting. The weird thing is that they’ve actually kind of backed off from me. I still get made fun of but I don’t care anymore. Especially since I wasn’t with Antonio anymore so that would only make it worse. Just wearing it in the house it felt very heavy around my neck, plus it was kind of embarrassing to wear it in public. I wouldn’t dare wear the necklace out of the house though. It did make my heart flutter a bit but it didn’t change the fact that I felt hurt and betrayed. When Antonio had handed me his necklace as a promise gift I was reluctant to take it because I feared that I wouldn’t want to let him go. This was one of those things you’re not sure that you can forgive no matter how much you love the person. I avoided my friends and barely spoke to anyone. I just couldn’t bare the memories of what had happened with him. I had to push down my feelings no matter how much they hurt when they are ignored. I hated to see him like this but I needed to stay strong in order to protect my family. He didn’t even talk to his friends anymore. Antonio has completely shutdown and focused only on his studies.
I see him at school but it’s just not the same as it used to be.
It’s been a long time since I talked to Antonio.
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